This is the end of this blog. It has been fun, and I've learned a lot, but now it's time to close this chapter in my life. My feelings are mixed. I am sure some people have benefited from reading these thoughts and diatribes, but there comes a time when one word more is too many. May each person find what he or she is searching for in life!
We can only be honest to our own quest ..
I wrote this recently, when I was feeling down about moving house ...
THE STAIRCASE
It’s just a staircase, simple
A set of steps for walking on.
But to touch it brings back memories,
And they begin to flow down.
All of a sudden, that staircase is not just a staircase anymore,
But a picture album, a story, and a bridge between young and old.
And those who haven’t walked upon it as much as I could never know,
But without it, well … it would really leave a hole
And I would feel like almost everything had been in vain
But it’s just a staircase – simple
So let the memories go down the drain.
My family and I will be moving out in mid-March, and we still don't
know where we'll be staying - probably in the Inner-West (if Mum and
Dad find a nice place, and think my brother and I are worth a million dollars :p) I'm getting quite sentimental now :( Have never lived anywhere else!
P.S. Uploaded some pics from my trip - see the South East Asia photo album on the left. Only allowed to upload 50 pics per month, so photos of Cambodia are still coming!
I don't know where what I'm doing now will lead me.
I know that some of it is quite risky, and likely to make people concerned about me.
Maybe that is the whole problem. If you can see that other people are concerned, then probably what you are doing is foolish - especially if those other people are wise. So ... does that mean you should listen to them and stop it?
You are not serious about anything, except some pathetic attempt to overcome your ego. What you are doing is lame, and hardly raises an eyebrow, except to say "Poor Julian". Either do it properly now by really fucking up your life, or forget about it. And how can you really fuck up your life? By really not caring. But then the catch is, if you have to do those things which really require you not to care in order to do them, then you must still care about them! And the only thing you will do by trying to break the shackles is make people pity you.
This is not the point, is it? Aren't you trying to break your own attachment to others expectations? If you can't do it without actually losing self-consciousness, then there's no point, is there??
So how can you do it? You have to go through this phase, right? You have to lose it all, in order to win, right? As long as you don't break any laws/precepts in the process, you can do what you like, can't you? Cos you have to stay alive to do this stuff, and also be around decent people who make life emotionally bearable (and who are also not breaking laws/precepts). That means not offending too many people either.
Most people will see you, pity you, and move on, but if you aren't practising non-attachment the whole time, then what is there to gain? Nothing. Just the loss. And what if you lost all your friends and hung out with losers in the meantime, how would you feel then? Or maybe what you need are 'true' friends ...
Who is a true friend? Someone who understands all this? Someone who's going through the same phase? Someone who will just accept you no matter what... I don't know. Perhaps you can tell me???
I'm back at Square 1. Before Germany. No desire to be anything or go any place. Just me and my messed-up self.
Hey all. I'm back from Vietnam and Malaysia now. Glad to be back. Here are some song lyrics i would like to share ^_^
I've listened to this song for years, but never noticed how meaningful it is! Hope others are also touched. It's sung by Incubus (Morning View album) - music is good too (according to my slightly alternative taste :p)
WARNING
Bat your eyes girl.
Be otherworldly.
Count your blessings.
Seduce a stranger.
What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness...yeah
Over and over and over and over...........
She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.
I suggest we
Learn to love ourselves,
Before its made illegal
When will we learn, When will we change
Just in time to see it all come down
Those left standing will make millions
Writing books on ways it should have been
She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.
Floating in this cosmic Jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
Soon the water starting to boil,
Now I flinched and we all float face down
She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.
Pass you by.
For those who are interested in photos from my trip, I will put an album on here when my brother gets back (mid-Feb).
Happy New Year's & Take Care!
Jules
